


What I Live For

by wordsandshit



Series: One Big Family Verse [2]
Category: Avengers, Iron Man - Fandom
Genre: Death, M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-26
Updated: 2012-11-26
Packaged: 2017-11-19 14:33:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/574291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wordsandshit/pseuds/wordsandshit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Howard created Jarvis the AI and then made the android body to raise Tony.  But as he watches little Tony grow up he can't help but fall slowly in love with him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What I Live For

Jarvis looked down at the boy, the tiny baby he held in his arms. He was wriggling, but had stopped crying now that he was clean and wrapped up in thick blue blanket and cap. Dark brown hair poked out of the edges of the hat, despite Jarvis’ attempts. He cooed to him softly and ran a thumb across his incredibly warm, flush cheek.

He stopped moving and opened his big brown eyes. They were his father’s big and curious with a strange humour to them. Jarvis’ own clicked and flickered, the liquid blue watching the boy intently, who returned the same expression. Already he seemed to be trying to understand what made the android work, how to make him better.

When their gazes met Jarvis felt something catch inside him, but he couldn’t for the life of him think of what. Perhaps he was getting rusty or was broken, because he suddenly felt warmer and his stomach felt like it was filled with helium and bricks all at the same time.

The boy yawned and closed his eyes again, his eager mother taking him. The feeling lifted, though the hint of it remained. He’d have to run a diagnostic once there was time.

\--

Tony had fallen asleep in his hiding place during hide-and-go-seek, tucked behind the couch. Jarvis smiled softly down at him, picking the sleeping boy up, along with his stuffed rabbit he’d used to lay his head. He smoothed down his messy brown hair as he walked to the bedroom.

He laid him down on the Captain America sheets and as softly as he could undressed him, and changed him into pajamas. He tucked the boy in and smiled wide at him, kissing his head. The boy smiled within a dream and mumbled something that might have been a thank you. But knowing Tony, it wasn’t.

He sat down on the chair by his bed and read, but always kept an eye on him. He watched every shift, every twitch and wondered what he dreamed about. He wished he could dream. He couldn’t even really daydream. His mind was so vast and busy that he found it difficult to just imagine and think.

If he could though, he was sure he would dream about Tony though.

\--

Jarvis was in his room, just laying on his bed, not under the sheets. He couldn’t sleep and he didn’t even really like being off. By nightfall all his manual chores were complete, so he just used the time to think. Most of the time he found himself just thinking about what chores he had to do the next day and organizing his files. Sometimes he read.

He prefered paper books to ebooks. Loving the smell of paper, the feel of it and the look of printed ink. That and a glass of wine was a perfect evening to him. He was deep in a Pride and Prejudice, savouring each word. He could scan a page and know what every word meant in every context, but he liked to take it in as if he were human and actually read. He loved romance novels, finding some strange charm in knowing there would always be a happy ending, despite how impractical it all was. He would read anything from the classics, to teen romance, to Harlequin romance, to smutty fanfics.

Elizabeth’s rant about Darcy was interrupted by a light knock at his door.

He went to the sound, opening the door to find Tony, bunny clutched in his fist. His cheeks were tear stained, his onesie pajamas sticky with sweat. He ran in the few inches and hugged Jarvis’ legs, he himself was wearing black cotton boxers and a grey shirt.

He bent down, “Did you have a nightmare?”

Tony nodded and sniffed, wiping his nose on his sleeve. “Can I stay with you? There’s monsters in my room.”

Jarvis smiled lightly, picking him up, “Of course you can Sir.”

He got into bed, this time getting under the covers and tucked Tony in beside him. The boy cuddled closer into him, clutching at his shirt. The lights were turned to low so he could sleep, but high enough to keep the shadows away.

They were silent for a while and Jarvis thought the boy was asleep, but he shifted and looked up at him. “You...You’ll keep the monsters away right?”

“Of course Sir. I’ve been programming with the top monster fighting software in the world. They won’t even think about attacking you with me here.” he lied reassuringly.

Tony nodded and tucked his head under his chin, hand over where his heart would be if he had one. He relaxed a bit and after a few moment fell asleep. Despite the many chores he had, Jarvis stayed with the boy until he woke.

\--

Tony was four, his brown hair short and neat from the cut he’d gotten last night for the occasion. He wore dark jeans and a shirt with a DNA strand on it, his feet shoved into black and white converse. He was none too happy about being forced to wear a full set of clothes, most days the best Jarvis could do were trousers.

He nudged his pack which lay on the floor with his toe, not looking up as he spoke, “Do I have to go?”

Jarvis finished up his packed lunch, fitting it all neatly into the Star Wars lunchbox. He’d already asked a dozen times before, “Yes, Tony You have to go.”

He placed the lunch box into his bag and zipped it up, handing it to him to put on. “But I don’t wanna! Why can’t I just stay and learn with you?”

His brown eyes were filled to the brim with tears, making them even larger and cuter. He shook slightly and went to wipe his nose with his sleeve, but was stopped by Jarvis’ gentle, but firm grip. He crouched down and smiled lightly. He took his silver handkerchief and wiped his nose and eyes, giving it to the boy to blow his nose.

“A new school and new people may seem scary, but you’re a smart, charming young man. I’m quite sure you will make new friends and have lots of fun.”

“But-”

“Tony.” he said sternly, “I don’t want you to go either, none of us do. But this is for the best. When you get back I’ll have a treat for you and we can spend the rest of the day together, alright?”

He looked up, “Promise?”

He smiled softly down at him and pulled him into a hug, “I promise.”

He felt that feeling again and it took all his will and strength to finally let the boy go once he heard the bus pull up. He stood and took the boy’s hand, leading him to the bus.

Tony looked at the big yellow bus with fear in his eyes, clinging onto his hand for dear life. Jarvis gave his tiny hand a little squeeze and tried to smile reassuringly.

“Everything will be fine.” he said, just as much to himself as the boy.

He nodded and took the first step onto the bus, still holding his hand. He looked down at all the children already on the bus and chatting, and back at Jarvis. With a deep breath he let go and made the rest of the trip up. He ran to his seat so he could watch out the window and they drove away, waving.

Jarvis waved back and didn’t let himself feel sad or alone until the bus rounded the corner and he could be sure Tony couldn’t see. He stood there until the residual heat from the boy’s hand faded away and straightening his grey suit he went back inside.

\--

Jarvis held the sobbing Tony, stroking his messy brown hair. He worked to think of what to say to comfort the boy, but everything he tried only spurred on more tears or was simply ignored. In times like this he wondered if there was anything you could say.

“He’s...In a better place.” he lied.

“W-where? How do you know?”

“I’m not sure where he is. No one is. But Schrodinger, he was a good cat, yes?”

He nodded, looking up, trying to understand the point.

“So the world is a little worse off without him. Therefore where he is must be better than here.”

Tony looked confused for a moment, but nodded slowly. “I get it.”

He smiled slightly, “I knew you would.”

“But why...why did he have to die?”

“Everything must die. Everything must come to an end. It’s how the world works.”

“But, but that makes no sense. Why does everything have to end?”

“If nothing ended, than nothing new would come and the world would be exactly as it was. Life would have no meaning because nothing could change.”

“Will you die?”

“No. I will never die. I’m not alive Tony, you know that. But one day I will stop functioning. Which I suppose is like dying. One day I’ll be replaced or simply stop working.”

“No you won’t. Not if I can help it. I’ll make sure you can live until the very end of time. I’ll make sure you can work until the sun implodes and the universe is sucked into nothingness. Longer if I can!” The boy sat up, excited with his plans.

“What would be the point of functioning if you’re not there to serve?”

Tony smiled wide and hugged him again. “I love you Jarvis.”

He held him back tight, “I love you too Tony.”

I love you more than you will ever know.

\--

He looked into Tony’s almost black eyes and felt his own burn with tears that he could not shed. He couldn’t talk him down or out of this insanity and he didn’t know what to do. The normally handsome teen was now skinny and paler than death himself, around his were eyes dark his cheeks shallow. Jarvis himself was on the skinnier side, but when he hugged him close the younger man’s ribs and elbows painfully poked into him.

“Please Sir, you have to stop this. People care about you.” I care about you.

Tony shrugged away and started to write on his arm. “I need...I just need more ideas. So I can finish it, so I can be good enough.”

“Please.” he begged.

Tony just went to mumbling to himself, shaking and rubbing at his arms to get off his scrapped ideas until they were red. Jarvis tried to plead with him, to get him stop, but he was ignored. He grabbed his thinning wrists when a rash started to appear and with a slight twist forced him to look at him.

“Sir, stop.”

“I...I have to-”

“You will die. You can’t die.”

“If I have to die, I have to die. You said it yourself, all things must end.”

“Not now! Not like this!” he looked down and held back the sobs. “Tony. So many people love you and are worried for you. You have to stop this. You just have to. Just, stop.”

The younger man pulled away from his grip and went into a trance or something, ignoring him completely now. Jarvis stood and dusted off his knees. He took a staggered breath and turned.

“I love you.” he said softly, but there was no reply.

\--

The eighteen year old Tony was passed out at the bar, after a dozen too many shooters. He sighed at the boy and picked him up, fire-fighter style. Everyone stared as he carried him through the club to the car that waited outside. He was taller than the younger man, but far thinner and less impressive. They reached home in good time and luckily Howard was not in.

By now Tony was semi-conscious enough to have him sit up while Jarvis undressed him and changed him into fresh boxers to sleep in, his old ones sticky with cum. Jarvis washed him up and forced him to drink water as he did so, then set him to bed.

Tony mumbled slight protests as he was tucked into bed, the small bunny he refused to admit he still had slipped under his arm. The older man smoothed down his hair and kissed his forehead to settle him, sitting by his bed like he used to.

His excuse was to make sure if his master was sick he could be properly attended to, but he really just wanted to watch him sleep. He used to do it all the time when he was younger, but lately Tony stayed up later and if he slept in the night at all he was accompanied by at least one girl.

He counted his breaths and listened intently for each heart beat, noting the slight heart murmur he’d had since he was a child. Sometimes his heart would skip a beat and Jarvis swore his did too whenever it happened.

\--

Jarvis’ “birthday” was December 28th. Every year the other staff for the Stark’s sang to him and gave him a gift they all pitched in for, Howard offering a grunt at some point in the day and a new suit for his collection. Tony however since he was three years old always made Jarvis a gift, putting much thought and effort into it. The tradition of giving gifts on one’s day of birth made little sense to Jarvis, should he not be thanking those who made him with gifts, not the other way round? Nonetheless he always loved whatever he got from Tony, it seemed to be the only time he ever actually thought about other people.

It was early morning and Jarvis was beginning his chores before everyone else was awake. Howard was out of town for the month, the rest of the staff not yet in for work. He was currently making Howard’s bed, the fresh sheets still warm from the dryer. He was smoothing out a wrinkle on the opposite end, so he was bent over the large King bed.

He was almost finished when a set of familiar strong arms wrapped around him from behind. “Happy Birthday Jarvis.”

He smiled and went to stand up straight, but was stopped by a firm hand between his shoulder blades. “S-sir?”

Tony was still in his pajamas, a pair of soft black house pants, his morning erection pressed into his ass, perfectly fitted into his dark grey pinstripe trousers. He tried hard not to whimper as the pressure was increased. He had been given perfect sensory functions to the point where he could actually feel pain as a human could and subsequently feel pleasure and orgasm. He’d never really understood why Howard had given him this ability. Probably just to prove he could.

“This is my birthday gift to you.” Jarvis could practically hear the cocky smile.

“What is Sir?”

More pressure. “Sex.”

Jarvis licked his impossibly dry lips, searching for words. He was finding it very difficult to think. “That’s very kind Sir, but I’m...I’m actually fine.”

“Common Jarvis, have you even done it before?”

“Well no, I’ve never felt the need. I don’t have hormones like you, I don’t need to fulfill the need to mate.”

“But don’t you want to? Just to know what it’s like.”

He cleared his throat, was this seriously happening? “Perhaps we could talk about this while in a better position. One including breakfast? I can make you an omelette or-”

The hand that had been cupping his hip slid round the front to cup the embarrassingly growing bulge in his trousers, the pressure in the back continuing to increase. This time he couldn’t help the moan that escaped his thin lips. He gripped at the fresh sheets, wrinkling them. He let himself be pushed harder into the bed, face flush against the cooling silk.

It wasn’t until his pants were shimmied past his narrow hips that he snapped back to earth, “Sir! M-maybe pancakes...I think we have syrup and if not I can run to the shop or even make some if you like.”

“Mmm, syrup sounds good.”

He sighed in relief. “Good, good. Yes, well you’ll need to get off me so I can do make pancakes Sir.”

“Not for pancakes. For you.” His voice was smoldering. Through the years Tony had perfected it to the point he could get anyone into bed that he wanted, get any girl wet in an instant.

It was Jarvis’ only saving grace that he was currenting looking into the one thousand thread count and not his big puppy dog eyes. It was true that he did not have the hormones that created lust, but somehow he’d still managed love. That allowed him to become weak in the knees whenever his gaze caught the younger mans and made it very difficult for him to deny him anything. This though was just some misguided attempt to make him happy and he could not allow it.

 

“I don’t think that would be a very good idea Sir.”

“True, you seem like more of a chocolate guy.”

“I’m not anything guy Sir.”

“We could lick wine off eachother,” he offered, “You do love a good glass of red.”

He bit his lip at the idea. That bottle of 1904 Claret he’d been saving for a special occasion. Combined with Tony’s already delectable chest would be...a very bad idea.

“Sir, I think it would be prudent if-”

He was rolled onto his back, legs parted to make way for Tony, his hot mouth on him in an instant. His lips were wet and demanding, forcing entrance into Jarvis’. He pinned his wrists to the bed and although Jarvis was technically stronger, it was obvious Tony held the power at that moment.

“And I think it would be prudent if you’d shut the hell up and for once let someone else take control.”

Just as he suspected when his bright blue gaze met Tony’s chocolate brown one he was helpless, mind consumed by inappropriate feelings and desires. This boy would truly be the death of him.

He nodded, swallowed hard. “Alright Sir.”

\--

Jarvis held Tony’s greying hand and swallowed hard, squeezing it. “Sir-”

“Common Jarvis,” he said through coughs, some blood coming up. “We’ve know eachother long enough I think. Just call me Tony.”

He wiped the blood away with handkerchief and nodded, “Tony, I will make sure you get through this.”

He smiled, shaking with the pain. “Not sure you can this time.”

“I will.”

“Like you said, all things must come to an end eventually.”

“You never will forget that conversation will you? You keep bringing up, constantly making me regret it.”

“It was good advice.”

“It was crap advice Sir. You will not die, that is that.”

Tony laughed, “Slow down Jarvis, all this swearing might my influence naive mind.” 

He looked down, “Sorry Sir.”

“I was kidding!” he said laughing harder, which turned into a coughing fit and more blood.

“Sir- Tony, we need to get you to the medical bay.”

“Nah, I think I’m good here.”

“Tony.”

He looked up at him, eyes paling. “Jarvis.”

His non-existent breath caught and he held back the sobs. “I won’t let you die. Not now, not ever. I can fix this, I can-”

“Just, stay here. While I die, can you just stay here?”

“...Of course Sir.”

Tony looked down at the gash on his stomach, the blood had stood pouring from it and was just bubbling now, which was not a good sign. Jarvis had refused to look at it, because then he could imagine that it wasn’t that bad.

He was getting better at that, imagining. He could imagine that everything would be fine and Tony could live at least another twenty years, hell forever. They always said the only thing that was timeless was love, so he couldn’t understand why Tony couldn’t just live forever. It wasn’t fair to be the exact same as he had been the day the younger man had been born, while he died in his arms.

Tony’s paling eyes fluttered closed and his breathing started to weaken. “Talk to me Jarvis.”

Jarvis cleared his throat, finding his voice. “Well Sir, tomorrow’s schedule is quite full. You have a brunch with the princess of Denmark at eleven and I’ve been reminded that you are not to sleep with her. Then at one you have that new power plant opening and I think you’re getting an award from the president, so do try to be on time. In the evening there’s a scientists ball which you’re hosting, which Thomas Banks will be attending, so you need to talk to him.”

He continued to talk about nothing really until Tony’s heart stopped and everything else was silent, the light blue flickering in his chest gone.

He sniffed and shaking. He’d managed to hold it all back while Tony was present, but now he couldn’t help it anymore. He dry sobbed, clutching his cold body to him, his already soiled suit becoming even more soaked with blood.

He sat there, cradling his body, occasionally laying a chapped kiss on his cold forehead until the ambulances finally arrived and carted Tony away. Though it was too long too late.

By now the Jarvis that ran Stark Towers and the whole Stark empire was a completely different entity to that of the man that lived in his body. The two only connected by a single thread.

He started by cutting that thread. The other Jarvis held self-preservation programming that wouldn’t allow him to do what he wanted. He then changed and washed himself, wearing his best suit. He lay in Tony’s bed, it still musky with his scent which Jarvis breathed in greedily. He lay on his back, hands folded on his stomach, the small rabbit tucked under. He closed his blue eyes and one by one shut down each function, until he was a blank robot, holding an ancient stuffed bunny.


End file.
